Yearning to Learn; Learning to Yearn

An evergreen song - Ek Radha Ek Meera

There is a popular Hindi song comparing the love of two devotees of Lord Krishna, Radha and Meerabai. These two are possibly among Krishna’s greatest devotees. The first few lines go like this:

Ek Radha Ek Meera, Donon Ne Shyaam Ko Chaahaa
Antar Kya Donon Ki Chaah Mein Bolo
Ek Prem Diwaani Ek Darash Diwani

{Radha and Meera, both desired for Krishna.

Tell me what is the difference in their desire?

While one longed for His (physical) love, the other sought to see Him (darshan). }

What makes the song interesting is that Radha was a contemporary of Krishna while Meera lived in an era thousands of years after Krishna’s physical passing. In fact, everything about their lives is different - totally. And yet, what is common is that both achieved their ultimate goal of union with their beloved. That should be an inspiration for us because it shows no matter how different we are in the way we love God, we all are equally capable of achieving Him. What matters is how we yearn for Him ALONE. There are many instances of yearning for God being more important than experiences with God and this post will be an extension of those thoughts.

Hear the beautiful song in the golden voice of Lata Mangeshkar.

Personally, the song brings solace to my heart that pines for and misses the physical form of my Sathya Sai Krishna, my Swami. It encourages me to keep the flame of yearning going with the oil of devotion till the wick of my body burns away. It soothes me with the assurance that though all do not get the opportunity to be a ‘Radha’, everyone can grab the opportunity to be a ‘Meera’.

Every now and then, it is not uncommon for me to feel a spiritual void, a disconnect with my Swami within. At such times, I try to focus on Swami in everything I do. Like a faithful dog, I stand barking at the door of my Master, refusing to lick the juicy tidbits He throws me because I know that when all else fails, He will surely come out of the door and pat me. It is one such experience post the ‘Mahasamadhi’ of Baba that I would like to share.

The void

It had been several weeks since Swami had come in my dreams. It had been nearly a month since vibhuti manifested in the altar at home. Of course, my work at Radiosai involved seeing videos of Him, hearing His discourses and thinking about Him. And yet, I was feeling a void. I realized that while with yearning and personal sadhana, work becomes worship, without them even worship becomes a work! Thus I felt that I need to pine more for Him.

I confided into my wife, Pooja, and told her that I was missing Swami a lot.

“It was so easy when He was here. Why did He have to leave?” I asked her rhetorically.

“Swami knows best”, she replied before encouraging me, “the very fact that you are yearning for Him is a blessing from Him. Be grateful and keep praying.”

“Sane advice indeed but it does not help my crying heart...”

“If you love Swami, instead of just feeling for Him start doing something for Him”, she egged me on.

“I am doing many things right...”

“But you still are not satisfied” she cut me, “then do more for Him. See, I am planning to do a week long Sai Satcharitra reading.”

“Where do you have the time?”, I asked wonderingly because she would have to manage our daughter Bhakti at home apart from the 7 hours she would have to put into the work-from-home job.

“I will make time...”

Take one step towards me and I shall take ten towards you

Two lads and their tears

It was late in the day and the sun was setting over the horizon in the city of Calcutta (now Kolkata), India. Two lads stood in a temple dedicated to the Goddess Kali, praying to the divine mother. Their eyes were filled with tears and hearts with aspirations. They were hoping to convey to the Mother what they wanted through the language of the eyes. But both of them were experiencing something very strange. In the presence of the Mother, though the tears continued to stream down the cheeks, their tongues did not seem to gather sufficient energy to seek what they actually desired. Instead, the tongues seemed to pray for something which was totally unexpected, but something that their heart truly wanted. The two boys indicated here belonged to two different eras separated by more than 100 years. And yet, so similar was their situation that a single paragraph could be written about their plight and duplicated to describe the other!

The first lad was the 21-year old Naren who later grew into the world-famous Swami Vivekananda. His father had suffered a sudden demise in 1884 and the burden of staving off the family bankruptcy by repaying the dozens of creditors had fallen on Naren’s shoulders. Unable to bear the burden and unable to find a good paying job, he approached his new-found guru, Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.

“Master, Mother always listens to you. Why don’t you ask her to provide me and my family with sufficient financial resources to live a happy life?”

“My child! You suffer from the false idea that I am close to the Mother and you are not. Why don’t you yourself go to her and seek what you want?”

It was this goading that had resulted in Naren standing in front of the Mother. But as he stood before Her, he felt the warm trickle on his cheeks turn from tears of sorrow and lack into tears of gratitude. Without his knowledge, his tongue sought,

“Mother! Grant me discrimination... grant me devotion... grant me renunciation...”

He walked out of the temple and his Master reprimanded him for not seeking from the Mother what he immediately needed. He sent Naren back into the temple reminding him to remain focused on his wants. However, the lad was unable to do anything different even the second time. The drama repeated for a third time too when Naren realized that the Mother’s supreme love for him had made him seek what he truly needed.

(Here is a video of the beautiful dramatization of that episode between Naren and Mother Kali by the students of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning.)

The second lad was standing before Mother Kali but not in the Dakshineshwar temple. The year too was totally different, this one being 2000. However, Saptarshi Chatterjee’s tears too were as hot and sorrowful as Naren’s when he entered the temple. He too had lost his father’s support, in a different manner though. Seeing his below average marks in the Grade 12 exams, his father had called him and told him,

“See Sapto, the way you have been faring in high school is very depressing. If things go on in this way, you will not get admission into any decently good college even! I have no money to get you an admission by paying hefty donations to these educational institutions which have become businesses today. It is good that you try to find a job and get employed next year.”

The father’s words had bred regret and struck terror in the 17-year old’s heart. With God as the last resort, he had walked into the temple of Mother Kali in the evening after school. Swami Vivekananda was Sapto’s hero and he knew in his heart that he should not ask the Mother for anything worldly. Yet, so heavy was his heart that, unlike Naren, he poured out to the Mother,

“Mother, I am your child forever. Keep me safe and happy always by keeping me close to your bosom. But also ensure that I get higher education in a good Institute.”

And he cried and cried till his tears dried.

That was more or less Sapto’s schedule almost every day.

An Institute education and much more

Naren’s story of his growth into Swami Vivekananda is well documented. Saptarshi’s journey is bound to be interesting and inspiring for the modern youth who find it hard to emulate Swami Vivekananda though they wish to do so!

Unknown to anyone, Saptarshi had something in his life that Naren never had - a girlfriend! In the teenage years, he had experienced love at first sight. So powerful was the effect that he did not know whether she was an attraction or a distraction. Nevertheless, he felt that there was atleast a great traction in their relationship. In fact, it was she who seemed to bring the solution to his problem. She informed him about a very good Institute, the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning (SSSIHL), which promised great academic adventures and degrees without charging even a single penny as fees! Sapto was instantly interested and, seeking an application, he applied to this University in Puttaparthi, Andhra Pradesh.

In Hindi, there is a popular saying which goes thus,

“Dane dane par khanewale ka naam likha hain.” (Every grain of food has inscribed on it, the name of the person who will eat it.) The saying intends to heighten the importance of destiny in one’s life. Sapto found out that, apparently, every seat in the SSSIHL also had on it the name of the person who will get it! There was no other way to explain the miraculous sequence of events that led him to get through the entrance examinations, group discussions and the interview to actually procure a seat in the prestigious B.Com(hons) course at the Brindavan campus of the Institute. He called up his dear friend back at Calcutta to convey the good news to her. She also rejoiced. He wished he could go back home to give her a hug but the joining date did not permit a return journey back home.

Saptarshi performing a mimicry for his Swami in Kodaikanal

Sapto did not realize that he had won an admission into an Institute of HIGHER learning. However, as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, Sapto came under the divine umbrella of the little orange robed figure, the Chancellor the the University, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. Each little interaction with Him, his Swami, seemed to take him a step closer towards his unconscious yet ultimate goal of ‘Higher’ learning. Like hundreds of students before him, Sapto too wanted to become a ‘form boy’, the hostel lingo for a student who got the privilege of regular interactions with the Master. In the meanwhile, he also experienced the blossoming of his hitherto unknown talents of mimicry, mono-acting and dramatics.

Turning point

Sapto had not forgotten his love in Calcutta. She too sought admission in Swami’s womens’ college at Anantapur. The two hearts seemed to have come closer. However, Sapto was still undecided on whether she was an attraction or a distraction. He took the safe route of directing all his love and feelings towards his God, his Swami. In fact, he developed an irrepressible urge to sing a Bengali Rabindra Sangeet for Swami.

It was the year first week of October in the year 2004 and Sapto, having graduated with honours in the B.Com course, had enrolled for the MBA programme at Puttaparthi. During one darshan session (when Swami moved around the entire Sai Kulwant hall, blessing devotees and interacting with them), he gave Swami a letter expressing his desire to sing a Rabindra Sangeet for Him. Swami accepted the letter. Swami looked into his eyes and asked him,

“Do you want to sing it only to me?”

It was a song of love set in a melodious tune. Sapto had no second thoughts as he nodded that he indeed wanted to sing it out only for Him. Swami smiled and called him in for an interview. Sapto was pleasantly shocked! He could not imagine that the Lord was as eager to hear him as he was to sing for him. This was the first time in four years that he was actually entering the hallowed precincts of the interview room.

Seeing Swami from so close, Sapto had no words to say. He just sat in front of Him, dumbstruck. Very causally, Swami told him something that completely overwhelmed him,

“I have seen you come to me every evening and praying for good education. Your longing for me has impressed me. That is why I gave you this chance in my institution.”

Sapto’s mind was in a tizzy. What did Swami mean by that? He got to know Swami only in the year 2000 and he had done nothing like what He had said since then.

“Swami, I got to know you only when I joined here. Before that, I did not know you”, Sapto said before adding, “even in photographs!”

“Who do you think you have been praying to near your house? You think that she is only an idol? Her heart melted for you! She told me to take pity on you and it was on her request that I took you in!”

Now Sapto was reeling. How on earth did Swami know something that he had not shared with anyone else? Even as his head was spinning, he got a scary thought - this Swami knew everything about him. Getting on his knees, in a shaky voice, he said,

“Swami, I have committed many sins in the past...”

“Past is past! Forget the past. All your sins have been washed the minute you stepped into Parthi.”

Sapto was feeling that he was in some ethereal dream. Everything was happening so beautifully. Swami continued,

“I know that the girl you love is in Anantapur. But listen to me. Her family will not be suitable and amenable to you. When the right time comes, I shall give you a good girl, a girl who loves God. Remember, don’t run for sex! Run for Sai.”

The mind was blown to pieces and Sapto felt completely blank. He did not feel the need to say anything. Swami smiled and said,

“You want to sing something right?”

Sapto was unable to answer even that question. He was absolutely tongue-tied and washed away in the floods of Swami’s omnipresence and love. Swami smiled again. He took his right hand in His left hand and placed it on His chest. He then placed His right hand on Sapto’s chest.

“Sing now. It is heart to heart and you will get the tunes.”

Such was the surge of inexplicable bliss that Sapto’s heart began to serenade on its own! And to his great joy, Swami began to sing along! God and devotee, Master and disciple became one in that song of love. The words flowed effortlessly from both lips till the final line in the song, “Tomaro Madhuro Preme” (Your sweet love). Swami then said,

“See, how sweet My love is?”

A personal photograph overlooking the lake in Kodaikanal. 

Swami’s Vivekananda

The interview ended but not Sapto’s divine romance. He had goosebumps when Swami selected him as a principal actor for the upcoming Convocation drama on the 22nd of November, 2004. What was to be his role? Of Swami Vivekananda!!

Sapto (in turban) as Swami Vivekananda offers
a card to Swami before the Convocation drama.

The story of how the drama developed is another beautiful chapter in Saptos’ life but the fact remains that when he had to speak forcefully as the fiery monk seeking only divinity, Sapto could do it with great ease and natural flair. His pining for Swami and Swami’s reinforcing grace had indeed made a Vivekananda out of Saptarshi - a lad who was enjoying Ananda (bliss) because he had been conferred Viveka (wisdom)!

As he completed his narrative, Sapto told me,

“Aravind from that day till today I have received that Madhura Prema (sweet, divine Love) in various ways. My heart melts remembering that moment of my life as I write it to you. Whatever I have in life; am in life is because of Swami and Swami alone. Apart from pining for him (in some other form that too), I don’t know what else I have done. But what He has done and is doing, I can never repay even in a million lifetimes. I have a good family, a lovely job and everything is so smooth and fine. Even when things seem to go wrong, I know that it is just a part of His Masterplan! No complaints at all... no questions... no doubts. Just enjoying every moment that has been GIFTED!”

His narrative taught me the importance of always pining for the Lord. It also brought to my mind the statement Swami had made about the youth in modern times. That statement was made during the famous and historic discourse in 1976, in Ooty, when Swami materialized a medallion with a map of India on it.

I shall prepare individuals capable of spreading the Bharatiya culture and spirituality to the whole world. In the case of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, he had to use only one or two persons (for the fulfilment of Ramakrishna’s mission), Vivekananada and Brahmananda, who were sannyasis (renunciants). You don’t need to become sannyasis. In this particular task of Mine, I am going to use you young people in a large measure, as you are, putting you on the right path. I will use you as My instruments for doing all that is intended to be done.

Ah Swami! How loving you are! You seek nothing from us and yet promise to achieve everything through us. The modern world will surely see many Swami Vivekanandas for anyone who calls “Swami” with love and faith, you make a “Vivekananda” out of him/her.

If you enjoyed this, you may also like the following:

1. Pining for God is more important than experiences with God - a lesson from my Master

2. The final namaskar - the ultimate message of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

3. Why visit Prasanthi Nilayam (or any pilgrimage spot) when God is everywhere? - A message from Sri Sathya Sai

4. God's pining for a devotee.

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Also explore the 40-odd 'previous articles' listed monthwise on the top right here. Another blog which I maintain with more than 200 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

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Accepting God's Presents and Presence

My sour-sweet story continues

Swami was slated to take off for Delhi on the 9th of April.  The one week before that turned to be a sour-sweet one for me. 

(Dear reader, in case you are reading directly from here, I would request you to take a few minutes off, read the first part and then come back here to enjoy the story completely. The first part is located at the link below
Living in the Present: Sure way to avoid sorrow )

Well, am sure that Swami had planned things to be sweet for me because that is His Will always. But my petty mind in its preoccupation with the past and future soured those very same sweet things. Let me elucidate it with one more diary entry, the 4th of April this time.

I finally managed to be with my dear Swami on board the aircraft bound to Delhi. But the lessons
I imbibed from the 'wait' are invaluable.

Swami came after 5:15 for darshan. He read through a lot of letters as He sat for the bhajans on stage. He went into the interview room for about 20 minutes. He came out and a few bhajans later, received Aarthi. A large-sized, colour-clothed and moustached man came for the "elder-rose" chance. (For those that might not know: Swami had blessed all the permanent volunteers doing service in the Ashram for more than 5 years with the chance to offer a rose to Him during Aarthi everyday. Based on seniority, these turns were being taken.) I took a picture as Swami blessed him. Swami then asked for prasadam. When the vibhuti basket was given to Him, Swami said that He wanted the edible prasadam. Soon, even as Samastha Lokaha chant went on, trays filled with little ‘Munch’ chocolates were brought. Swami blessed the trays. He also took one chocolate and kept in His hand. As the prasadam distributors were dispatched, He looked at me and threw the chocolate to me. I went ahead and picked up the chocolate. Then, through the railings, I put my hand and took padanamaskar. I felt so happy and He was watching me lovingly all the while I was taking the namaskar.

Now that was such a thrilling evening. I had so much joy flooding the heart. I almost floated to the studio - my feet seemed to be in the air. I sat in the comfort of my chamber, put on the air-conditioner and decided to ‘munch’ on the sweet gift that the Lord had gifted me with so much love. Anybody in my place would have continued to be in a blissful heaven but not me!

Even as I unwrapped the chocolate, thoughts of all such ‘chances’ that I would be missing by not being on the Delhi-Simla trip flooded me. And so, instead of being cheerful, I now became wistful. The ‘chance’ that Swami had bestowed on me a few minutes before only seemed to enhance my sadness because I was feeling that I would be missing all that in the near future.

Planning for joy

I had already decided that I would not be ‘asking’ Swami directly to take me. The letter regarding my inclusion had not been accepted. I did not know what else I could do. Interestingly, almost every day, Swami gave me a little chance - a smile, a word, a touch - but I did not even record those in my personal diary because I was too busy rueing the loss of a trip with Him! I was in desperate need to cheer myself. And so, I began to plan a trip.

The Maha Kumbh Mela was to happen at Haridwar in the month of April. Touted as the largest pilgrimage on earth, this Kumbh Mela would be a gathering of about 100 million people and I felt that it would be an apt substitute for traveling with Swami. Added to this was the fact that Haridwar is quite close to Delhi. I inwardly told Swami,

“Swami, you are not taking me with you. But I too shall be enjoying a spiritual vacation. I may not spend time with your physical frame but I shall be part of the historical Kumbh Mela which none of the Delhi-Simla trip candidates can be!”

That brought a smile on my face and I busied myself in the bookings and travel arrangements. My parents in Mumbai also booked their tickets to Delhi from where we would all be proceeding to Haridwar.

All these plans came to nought in the next darshan session itself when Swami made enquiries about the trip from several people. I received my smile and padanamaskar, but this time, I did not even enjoy the momentary happiness! Without my knowledge, my obsession with the future was eroding and killing away the joy that was available in abundance in the present.

Days passed thus till it was the 7th of April. All the ‘selected ones’ had been called for a final briefing by Giri sir. My two colleagues from the studio too went to attend that meeting after lunch. I locked myself in my room in the studio. Though I had made many plans to ‘enjoy’ the next 10 days, I was feeling miserable and lonely. All my ‘planning’ for joy seemed to be in vain.

A revelation

It was a few minutes past 2pm when my cellphone began to ring. It was from my colleague, CG, who had made it for the trip. I was in no mood to pick his call.

“He may be calling me to seek some help because he has very little time left to get ready for the trip...”, I said to myself in a mocking tone.

When the phone kept ringing, I could not help but pick it up.

“Sairam...”

“Aravind!! Can you come out of the studio?” It was CG’s excited voice.

“For what?”

“Just come out for a minute man...”

“Errr... I am sort of busy...”

“Nothing doing! Just come out. This is urgent.”

I wiped the melancholic look off my face, unlocked my room door and walked out of the studio. CG and Sai Krishna (aka Bond) came running to me with gleeful grins pasted across their faces. The words I heard stunned me into silence.

“Hey! YOU ARE ON THE TRIP MAN!”

“Me? But how... I mean... that’s great... but...”, I continued to stammer in disbelief.

“You won’t believe it. After the meeting concluded, Giri sir said that all this while, he had forgotten to call one student - Anand. We were all wondering who this Anand was when he clarified that it was ‘photographer’ Anand.”

I had been part of a Radio satsangh series in which my name was Anand. Ever since then, Giri sir had always called me Anand.

“We confirmed whether it was you and Giri sir told us to inform you that you should be ready and set for the trip!”, completed CG excitedly.

Cloud nine

In an instant, all my sorrow vanished. I was back to my best spirits. This had been a startling turn of events for me and I just could not believe what had happened. Now my mind was a whirlpool of all the things that had to be done. I started off with canceling the Kumbh Mela plan. I told my parents to keep their tickets, land at Delhi and stay on there for daily darshan. Then, I went to my room to pick the white clothes needed for the trip. I was so happy that, even now, as I type this, I feel a surge of joy welling up within me. You can only imagine how powerful that joy was.

Was it a coincidence that I was once again living in the present and I was in joyful times again?

That evening, as Swami arrived for darshan, my heart was pouring out gratitude. When ‘good’ things happen, we are thankful to God. We are convinced that He is planning everything for the best. If only we could retain the same faith when something ‘bad’ happens too! But when it comes to ‘bad’ things, we immediately start questioning God’s wisdom and pray for ‘succour’. When God is the most powerful and most loving along with being the most wise, is it not logical that even the ‘bad’ things that He does for us are also actually good?

When Swami was passing by me, I gently touched His lotus feet, like I used to do daily. However, today, there were extra feelings of love and gratitude in my heart. My eyes were closed as I poured heartfelt thanks to Him for ‘including’ me in the trip. I felt a hand gently fall on my shoulder. Thrilled at this benediction from Swami, a tear almost formed in my eye. I opened my eyes to look at the possibly love-exuding face of my Lord who had tapped me on my shoulder.

To my consternation, I saw that it was not Swami’s hand - it was Giri sir’s! He was walking behind Swami’s wheel-seat. Swami had proceeded ahead and he had tapped my shoulder. Quickly wiping my tear, I looked at him questioningly. He asked me,

“You have been informed right? You are on-board the trip. You know it?”

I smiled nodded in assurance to him. He knew that it had slipped his mind to inform me and, so, he was making doubly sure that the ‘mistake’ was not repeated.

I was happy at this added confirmation that in another day’s time, I too would be in the clouds with my Swami, flying towards the Indian capital city.

Two significant lessons

Looking back at this episode which marked the beginning of an unforgettable trip, two lessons stand out. The first one obviously is about living in the present. Many times later in life too, I have seen how dwelling on either the past or future is the root cause of all sorrows, frustrations and depression. Living in the present, in the NOW, is very powerful and redeeming. This too has been concretised in me via examples like my colleague, Raghuram Bhat, who is happy and smiling in spite of having everything to complain about in life!

The second lesson hit me as I walked back to my studio room after darshan on the 7th April 2010. Llooking at it from Swami’s perspective, there was no need to console me or accept my letter because I was ‘selected’ for the trip. Swami must have ‘wondered’ why I was writing such letters when I was already ‘on’ for the trip. Of course He knows everything, but from a practical angle He must’ve pondered,

“Why is this boy so sad and upset? I don’t understand... I have already granted all he needs.”

God always gives us all we need - without fail or delay, even before we ask for it. But then, we confuse our wants with needs and feel sad. That is precisely why Swami, in His 9-point code of conduct, included the practice of ‘Ceiling on Desires’. That will probably be the subject of another article! :)

After granting the vision of the Cosmic Form on the battlefield of Kurukshetra amidst the narration of the Bhagawad Gita, Lord Krishna told Arjuna,

“Make no mistake Arjuna, thinking that you are killing the Kauravas. I have already killed them (in time). Now, you just have to be my instrument and do your duty sincerely.”

God does everything and remains as though He does nothing while we do nothing and assume that we do everything. Whatever happens in life, it should be my sadhana to accept it with the wisdom that all that needs to be done has been done by the Lord. My efforts should be to get this acceptance and, via that, live in the present always, maintaining my equanimity.

But, is it really true that God is the ‘doer’ of everything? Well, I do not wish to get into a debate because while one line of thought says God is the Doer of everything, another line of thought says that God is the Eternal Witness. As long as we stick to any one line of thought and not conveniently (actually inconveniently) shift between the two as per our life situations, we are fine. From that perspective, God indeed is the doer of everything. All is well for all is in His hands. Let us live in the present, have equanimity and enjoy peace.

Samastha Lokaha Sukhino Bhavantu - May all the beings in all world be happy.


If you liked reading this, you might also like:

1. How Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba helped make my career choice

2. When selflessness disguises itself as selfishness

3. The Bourne Identity - "Who am I"

4. Sachin Tendulkar and Sathya Sai - the story of the little master and his 'little' Master

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Another blog which I maintain with more than 200 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com You may visit that at your leisure. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

Also, use the Tweet and FB buttons below here liberally to share with your friends and family! Thank you)